1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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