I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
