Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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