You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
