no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish they made helmets for livers.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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