i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
