He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
