Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
