he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
