I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
