Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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