ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
