her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
