i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
