The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
