period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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