He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
