Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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