Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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