Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
