Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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