You made me cry and you don't even care
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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