i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
