What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
