This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
