Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
