my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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