I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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