i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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