your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
