im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
