I can't watch pbs sober anymore
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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