Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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