please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
