I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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