It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
