I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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