wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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