i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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