my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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