i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
