waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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