Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
