I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
