but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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