I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
