Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
