walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're a waste of cheezeits
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
