i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
