Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
