I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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