420 ftw
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
