she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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