I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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