wanna go halves on a baby?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
